Alcohol free and rocking out

Check out what i'm having! Not the stuff i'm usually seen holding. My red horse days are over. Being off the bad doesn't have to mean getting away from the music. And what better way to hear great music than to stop by a friend's last gig for the year.

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When anxiety attacks...

I go on a frenzy! My credit cards has taken the toll on my wild purchases which i'm happily paying for these days.

I've paid my dues yet my long weekend was foiled miserably. So what's a poor soul to do? Go to mac center and buy an ipod classic to load with angst ridden tracks and pop trash guilty pleasures.

Before this week, i splurged on 3 pairs of sneakers and wii accessories that's keeping me beat.

I have an explanation, im suppose to buy a couch this month but fortunately, my sister is giving me hers and all i hav to pay for is the transport service that my cousin gave me a reasonablr price for. My foiled vacation also saved me a chunk of dough. The music is back in the household.

A lesson learned well, if im planning for solitary confinement, i must not count on my bestfriend or anyone else.

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This used to be my playground

I love the song of the same title but this is not what it's about.

I have lots of places that allow me to relish my childhood, the hectare wide or so General Textiles compound that is now sprawling with high rise condominiums and shopping enclaves that is now known to everyone as Eastwood City.

Over at the GenTex Frisco compound,I know the place like the back of my hand. I can still see it so vividly in my head. I know every nook and cranny of that darn place; what fruit bearing tree stood where, the stone pavement textures and where each pathway leads to.

Here's where i and my cousin would pick guava, chico, duhat, kamias, macopa, star apple, santol and mangoes either by climbing or shaking trees, sometimes we'd use a stick with a wire hook at its tip and catch our harvest on our shirts. There goes my farmville, of almost the real kind. I have a swing dangling by the avocado tree that nanay would tear down every now and then cuz i wanna be pushed high enough to rise over the roof. When i look back at it now, it really was kinda dangerous.

On bright days, we'd be trailing back to our grandmas with our catch for the day. Most times, a catfish takes our bait of swamp snails and then we'd relish our catch by slicing the poor fish in half to watch its tail wag before the cook Eddie plunges it into boiling oil. Some days, we'd bring home a pail of snails and have it cooked in coconut milk. There are days when we couldn't make makeshift fishing rods cuz we couldn't find sticks and thin wires and somebody kept the roll of thread from our reach; this is when the tadpoles experienced the wrath of 2 silly little girls. Eventually, the tadpoles grew into little ugly jumping maniacs and i couldn't get near the swamp anymore, froggy days aren't funny. It took me until biology class to get over frog phobia.

And then there was Ali Mall which is practically an extension of the Fersal apartment compound we resided at for a few years. Here's where i and neighborhood kids run to on weekends, blazing the vinyl tiles in Skatetown even before in-line skates or 'roller blades' was made popular. Our sometimes over-the-top 'taya tayaan' game would stretch from P.Tuazon st. To the mall.

Ali Mall was also an after school destination in high school to which julie, kath, sugar and i would frequent record bars for the latest music releases. This was of course at the time records are worth owning and cassette tapes weren't yet obsolete.

Back in the day, the mall was far behind on its interiors, it had orange tiles that were popular in the late 70s to the early 80s. Today, it's paved with modern gloss white tiles that give it a squeaky clean look. The lighting has changed and like a nursery classroom, Ali Mall looks smaller than i remember. The shops i used to go to are still in their spot and have all managed to slip in renovations to get on with the advancing times. The building now connects via a skywalk from SM, cool addition, very metropolitan and about time actually.

There goes my youth,revisited. Now, i'll relish happier times with a pack of jellyace minus the Rainbow Brite packaging design.

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Just so you know, when i send you messages, i'm never okay. i don't know why you bother asking.
sadly for me, you're never there.

Reassessing asses

we are all bitches and asses in our own ways, it is not to be denied. I can bitch all i want to towards people i'm not acquainted with, but not to people i consider my friends. The hardest thing to sit through is being bitchslapped by a 'friend'. Just now, the very word has lost its meaning. I'm just lucky enough to have a set of friends who know me for what i am and what i'm not.

Put the guard back up, reassess the asses you spend time with and give more time to people who matter.

How well do you know your friends?

It's a question that's been floating around my head since that faithful Sunday a couple of months ago as i sat in a black velvet couch with a couple of friends. We all wondered, How are we friends? It baffled me that all the info we're gettin at that moment carries some shock value to it. Even more alarming was, it went on and on and on.

But my question is, how well do my friends know me?

Either i'm naturally complicated or im asking for too much to have my friends realize that for years and years, my pet peeve is the last minute cancellations. Circumstances aside, it just is my pet peeve and it cannot be altered. It's also the reason why i make surprise appearances at events i didn't officially confirm to be at. I don't wanna be what i dread. Failed as i may be at times, but i try to walk my talk.

Being the youngest of 5, I have several sets of mouths barking at me all the time,add 2 grannies and a nosy aunt, i was always subjected to be asked questions, squeezing stories et al. What they don't get is that sometimes, there is no story. Maybe that's why i turned to a life of silence, confined to history books, essay writing and loud music. It's my way to get away from the intrusive nature of people around me.

It's no wonder i immediately embraced livin' on my own as soon as the road to liberty cleared. Now i wonder if i ever really snuck out of it. I still find myself in the middle of intrusion. I may smile and laugh it off, but really, i'm pissed. I'm resistant in the face of intrusion, the more im pushed, the more i resist even when there's nothing to resist,it's like second nature to me. I can't explain why, i don't know how to. Just thought...leave it as it is and fuck off.

I'm always guarded with what i say, at least when it's about me or my shenanigans or when i'm advised not to. Home is a training ground, again, im the baby of the family and i get to be under everyone's radar. I can't slip out stuff that will wreak havoc into my personal and private space. I volunteer info when i feel like it and when i'm not being grilled and interrogated,otherwise, i'll get in my zone, not to be bothered.

Sure, there are far more things i share with friends than with family. I choose to share particular info, activities with different groups of friends. It's like throwing pieces of a puzzle around. It may seem like a bad thing for some, but i'm privy that way. And it should not in any way be taken as if i'm withholding my life. Diabolical or hypocritical as it may be to some, withholding is a a lifeline. I just hope the goings around won't push me back into my shell.

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I'm turning into a geek!

I'm at a point where im trading alcohol for comic books, friday nights for coffee and tv and saturday malling for more coffee and tv. About 2 weeks ago, i was out till 4am and all i had was a bottle of red horse. This is a sign of aging!

Yet on thursday night, i found myself out for dinner and pouring raspberry vodka with friends while rain was pouring and my street was flooded. So there goes absolution from alcohol. Now im home, by the rooftop,camping out with my good old friend, marlboro and a bag of chips while blogging on my phone. Nice! i'm such a loser! i think my highschool buds has officially ditched me for missing to organize night outs anymore. Oh man! work is really gettin in the way of my social life.

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Jeepneys and trains

I've forgotten how it felt like to ride public transportation.i rode jeepneys to and from school the whole way from high school to college and occasionally in shorter distances when I started working.

I decided to take a jeepney ride today instead of my usual cab ride going to the train station. Im heading to cubao to visit my high school friend who just gave birth. As the jeepney threaded the thoroughfare,little memories of my long commute from QC to Recto,munoz to cubao came flashing back, little misdemeanors, fun conversations and strange looks from fellow passengers was tucked in the narrow aisles of the jeepney and the jeepneys I rode throughout the years.

It was in the jeepney that I established my loathing for crappy speakers and ultra bad mixes.it was there that I knew I love rock music cuz I can't stand pop radio. All these little things that was once drowned by dark clouds belching from metro manila vehicles, insufferable traffic and annoying horns came to surface, even when the smoke still is and never will be clear. A ride to guadalupe was all it took to dust off time gone by.

I never realized how excrutiatingly disgusting the gust of wind blowing into my face was as the vehicle runs full speed was,I used to enjoy it, now I cant even breathe. So from taking jeepneys to school, I switched to riding the train to work. Every now and then, I take the train to cut my road time and inhaling pollution stricken air. For a while, it made commuting an ease but not without complains. From being on the verge of falling off my seat I share with 8 or 10 folks to making out with fiberglass in a sea of people and hitting it off with strangers in the train, nothing can ever be deemed comfortable enough and so I need to keep moving on, moving closer so a cab ride will be advisable albeit not entirely practical.

Life is a ride, a never ending highway leading to several destinations we'd like to go to one time or another. Traffic is inevitable, we may get there too late, not make it at all or take a detour where at a given time, presents a better opportunity to drive by smoothly. The intersections of our life's journeys are pathways we have to brave,when the light goes green, we accelerate in the direction we're heading. If it turns red, we stop and give way to people crossing and wait till its green and go again.

My short ride have been torturous but it was a ride that easily turned into a rite of passage. When you feel like your life has stopped, hopping into the past will show us how we've stepped up, and if we dont like where we landed, we can go back and start a new chapter.

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Chronicling the Stanatics

While it may be easy to see why men would want her, I at first found it a bit odd that Stana Katic’s fanbase who ship her shamelessly are women. Thinking aloud, I think I may have cracked the case. Sure, I noticed her as the sexy badass cop in Castle,whom with the unusual name lead me into googling her. And true fangirls know what happened next.

I believe I became a bonafide Stanatic when I saw the Paley interview with Chuck the Movie Guy where she was asked about how great it is to play a strong female lead. Her reply floored me, the woman is a wise crack with some spice! To those unfamiliar with it, she said ‘i cant imagine a woman being otherwise’ and that’s all it took to earn her another dedicated fan. That’s my story and i’m sure other fans has their turning points.

By then, it became clear that there is more to this woman than her heaps of adoring female followers can readily give out in a hit. Not to put her in the proverbial pedestal, but Stana could most probably be the model of a perfect woman.

we’ve been saying that for a long time yet we’ve not established the deep seeted reasons why she is so. At 5’9”, a svelte physique and a face that can have any man or woman’s jaw drop, she’s created to physical perfection. and if we must get into detail, she’s got an amazing bone structure,expressive big green beautiful eyes and a luscious pair of lips.

needless to say, she is extremely gorgeous. she’s smoking hot but definitely not bitchy. stana has a level of absolute desirability that’s almost geisha-like yet maintains a respectable stance. women in general have an innate desire to be desired and to be respected enough not to be taken advantage of.

Stana’s manner of speaking indicates a calm, gentle, sweet and caring lady which she balances with her knowledge and skill in martial arts and hobbies like archery and falconry. she can be ultra feminine that lends anyone near her to be willing to give her care and attention but is independent and tough enough by all means to take care of herself. after all,nobody would want to mess with a girl who can draw a smiley face around someone’s neck with a stilleto. yes, she’s bad ass in so many ways and that’s about as sexy as sexy can be. what woman wouldn’t want to be like that?

her lips may be one perfect attribute, it becomes even more so when she opens it to speak, as it exhibits that behind the gorgeous face, on top of her well toned shoulders is a good head. as any fan would have stumbled upon, Stana graduated at the top 10 of a class of 700. While internet info leaves a bit of doubt, it is no doubt that she is in fact a brainiac as evident in interviews and interviewer raves. ladies, we have here,beauty and brains with long legs. again, what woman does not aspire to be significantly intelligent and saucy.

Stana is passionate about her craft and displays a great deal of energy in doing great in whatever she does. she has a constant need to challenge herself and explore different things to expand her abilities. women, though proven in many ways and means are not the weaker of the sexes have to keep moving on to prove the world wrong.

judging from her proficiency with languages and the way she eloquently pronounces every word or name she utters shows huge respect for cultures. she is well rounded and open minded. this aspect of her personality does her well in her display of professionalism. her ways may be intimidating yet she manages to be naturally adorable. there seems to be no one who can resist her charm layered with respect and adulation.

Stana exudes sexiness like we never thought possible. she even possesses a great sense of humor that sends people in stitches and leaves a vibrant smile on people’s faces, spite of quirkiness and occassional dorkiness, she is taken seriously coz that’s just how awesome she is.

she has a good heart and a perfect balance of wit, charm, talent, integrity and toughness easily putting her as a female hero among the female of the species.She is what any man would want to bring home to mama. everything about her, as Jordan Shaw says, is tailormade for a woman’s psychoses.

Stana inadvertantly started a feminist movement. she is by all means a very credible female hero that women everywhere would want to be like.

this is my account on the connection I formed with the personality that is Stana Katic. let me know your thoughts Stanatics.

Saturday piss

this is what happens when I get pissed on a saturday afternoon. I cross the street for free wifi and order for my fave beer paired with button mushrooms. Its just too bad, right now, I just plugged on my earphones coz the music they're playing is as bad as the start of my day

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Comfort food

this is how diane and I spent friday night while missing our high school chums whom we've not seen in a long time. We ordered for mc chicken sandwich with tons of fries to munch on while dissing the happenings at work.

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Tagaytay on a clear day

It's been a while since I lastw visited Tagaytay, and it has been sooo long since I laid eyes on the glory of Taal on a clear day.

The Cliffhouse is a discovery a few years back when I was still trying to work out a PR company. We were trying to land a project with the then newly opened Firelake Grill. We did not land any but the place has the perfect focal view of the taal volcano, and it's all that matters.

The gang and I had pizza at Buon Giorno just across firelake, we didnt get a table outside where we can enjoy the view, bummer. I can't get past how my nephews gulp their shakes like as if somebody's gonna take it from them. I bet im the last person they want to dine out with, I  get critical about how they use their utensils and the way they sprinkle condiments on their food. Its just me making sure they don't get criticized elsewhere for those things.

Yes it may be a clear day to be out and about but joshua seems to wanna be somewhere else, somewhere with monitors, keyboards and rowdy kids. They dont appreciate the pleasures that we like, it's devastating.

Anyhoo, I enjoyed being out of town for the weekend. I needed to see trees and breathe fresher air.

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Online residency

That's how I regard my existence in the realm of fanhood and hanging out in online communities. Being in the fan world is not just about admiring a person for his or her body of work, there's also the insufferable need to find like people who feel the same about it, thus joining forums, attending online meetings, fan chats and being eager about fan meet ups. We need someone to share our mirth and pain, if there's any. This is why online communities are made, and chances are, lifelong friendships are tucked in it. After all, it aint called a community for nothing.

I go through my everyday with new bits of information on Alanis Morissette and Stana Katic from people halfway across the world. I get to see photos and a sneak peak to the life they live that is beyond records and episodes can tell. I am privileged to know first hand the goings on, the backstories that the rest of the world will only know about if they look close enough.

All these may be meaningless to anyone outside the fan world. But like other people like me, fandom is a huge window of opportunity to learn and discover other worlds. It hones interests in whatever activities, history, craftsmanship among other things the people you follow are into, therefore broadening your information range.

My love for alanis' work for example is an early influence to taking up guitar playing, her lyrics taught me to open up and write as I feel. The process of music creation and the functions of everyone involved in coming up with an album is not very common knowledge, most of the people I know thinks producers are just people financing a project, well it's not. Thru alanis, I also discovered sensible artists and musicians that i'll never hear or hear about on mainstream radio. At one point, I even studied the map to know how far canada is from los angeles and that new york is a long road trip ottawa.

Stana Katic on the other hand lead to my exposure to slavic countries, being that she is of serbo croatian heritage. And because she digs egyptology, archaelogy and astrophysics, i've also looked into it. I would probably not know about falconry if not for her.

Following the work of a musician gives insight into the profession. Following an actor shows insight into the work, preparations, hours at work, make up and pre prod routines.

My laptop becomes a vortex to a world where strangers share a common ground, an almost perfect world where everyone agrees with each other.my online communities keep me sane, however crazy that may seem.

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sleepless sleep

i spent friday night hooked watching Brothers and Sisters when what i really had to do is do lots of reading for a project. it was the worst thing to do, but a girl's gotta rest her mind. i practically spent the last 2 days worrying about my sister and my way of coping was to sit still and ignore it. i'm weak, scared and paranoid about things i have no control over. when there's nothing i think i can do, i do what i do best, sleep. i went to bed last night with the thought of having a good one. i basically slept working. in my dream, i was hard pressed for concepts for a presentation. there's also a part where i rode a bus and left my phone, wallet, keys and my laptop when i got off. and all i know was i was devastated, it was like i left my life on the bus.i woke up exhausted and wondering if there really was a concept for a cough medicine that in need to work on. man, if sleeping will be so stressful, i'd spend my waking hours sleeping.

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Swissy:the long set

Swissy did a great set as usual and i got to hang out with the musical troupe. i especially loved summertime and ordinary angels, havent heard those in a long time. kuddos swissy

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Riding high on Red Horse

i love these nights when im out and about with a bottle of the ever reliable horse. these babies are friggin ice cold. i havent had beer in a long time, this is such a treat.

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i hate my life

i just do

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Weekend in my castle

a normal restful weekend is just too much to ask for right now. Not while my job requires a lot of thinking. i can't shoot up a story right off the bat, i'm not a freak like that. i also watch what i put out and wont let it out if im not half as happy. at this point, im sitting on my orange recliner watching Castle and admiring Kate Beckett waiting for my inspiration to strike.writing is not like a hammer to the head, it flows gently and comes to you when you least expect it. i can only dream of lazy sundays and that is too big a dream as my childhood aspirations

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My Canadian Fixations

I’ve been wondrin’ why people in the entertainment world have such a huge impact on me.well only a few and meticulously selected ones that are to be considered rarities in the phony business.

I followed alanis morissette’s career and works from 1995 to her latter less known but better works today.my mornings were not complete if i dont visit fanpages for updates and photos. I’ve been trying to kick the habit for more than a decade.i finally did! But with an immediate replacement.i think its inevitable for me to look up to personalities with extraordinary bearings. They somehow become my role models,not because i don’t have tangible role models, but because i live in a modern world where the netty net is so much a part of me.

A TV series with the banter i liked came on, i initially liked the character of Kate Beckett, a strong willed, independent, brainy and sassy detective who possesses the strength of character a subtle feminist like i am would love. The role was played by Stana Katic, and what is a role without a great actor right? Stana Katic soon captured my attention,an unusual thing since she’s an actress in a tv series,not much creative input as say a songwriter like alanis.i looked her up and found out that this outstanding actress is multilingual, a wide reader and counts archaeology and sciences as her life interests.

 Her face may be reason enough to like her, but I'm not one to follow someone without the merits of what's between their ears. It it we're the case, I will probably be as crazy about Emily Deschanel, Camilla Belle, Steven Strait or Taylor Lautner. But none of them finished high school at the top 10 of 700 nor have 4 page interviews talking sense about history, culture, arts and stuff that average celebrities would freeze up on answering. It's just one of the reasons but it's one thing the drew me to her. 

Stana as interviewers and fans like myself have observed, is a rarity in hollywood.she has the brains to match the beauty.she is also quirky and witty.one thing i’m most fascinated with about her is the fact that she’s an excellent actor who’s been in the business for a decade and have not hit the hollywood A mark,this tells me she didn’t sleep her way through her projects. she has that kind of integrity that’s earned the respect of showbiz insiders and fellow actors.there’s not a photo of her half naked online which is unusual for a one time model and actress with obviously near perfect physical attributes.And one thing i find adorable about stana as with alanis ,is the shyness they inevitably show in big hollywood events.they are all about their craft and less about the cloud.all in all, they are a breeze and i am forever gonna be a shameless fan. 

I started wriring this w stana in mind,but i guess part of loving her is the resemblance with alanis. Go Canada!

The Gmail Monopoly

Oh damn! i'm glad to be finally posting in this account using my lappy. Had a hard time logging in coz gmail is taking control of my old account so my old blogger account wont go away. Thanks to Eon for helping me get rid of my old account. im babbling in between excel files and complans so pardon me

till then

saturday

i had a great work plan going for me when i woke up this morning, but i slept through it.i was just trying to be nice to myself, thought i give myself a rest.so now it's official, my work week ends on friday night and begins as soon as sunday sunshine smiles.now,i'm off to party and will probably be home by morning.even on weekends, i torture myself.i was telling a friend that i go out for the purpose of proving i have a life outside of work.and if i lose my social life, i always have my social networking life.work puts our social lives on the line, so we might as well have it online.

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blogging w x10

so im blogging via mobile,good thing my x10 mini pro has a querty keypad that is amazingly not cramped even with its dimunitive size.

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different

i spent half my day in conference rooms.all of it about being different. it's high time we make a change on how we present things and products to the market. in a changing world,adjustment is a welcome change.we cannot be placed in boxes and be branded to be this and that.we live in an evolving world ruled by consumerism flowing in a scale of tides. to challenge,to rise above, to move with time is our survival.

being different is not the challenge,it is a natural progression that we must acknowledge.

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Adult diapers at work

No, i don't wear diapers at work but there is something about adult diapers that is keeping me from staying focused on the job. i work for an ad agency and for almost 3 years, i handle an account which is a brand of adult diapers. all those years, i still haven't got the hang of it. I'm doing a bit better now, but i still catch myself tearing somehow.
My beloved grandmother met a freak accident back in 2002, she was fine, healthy and active until she bumped into a glass door and fell backward, landing on her buttocks. She was confined to her bed, still the same grandma i know, only this time, she wasn't in the garden looking out at the sun and keeping it neat.
It was sad seeing her eat, bathe and piss in the same place, never seeing the sunlight as she sat in the garden she watered everyday. Almost a month in bed, she was making progress, we can tell she was already healing but the worst can happen.
She was an active person suddenly confined in bed...cardiac arrest was never far and it got her.
I was on my thesis and was out doing research until late, mobile phones did not have the battery life it has today and it didn't really matter.
I went home and found my sister by the garage, tears flowing, it was unusually quiet. I was dumbfounded--i didn't see it coming. For a moment there, i lost my mind and broke down.
I went inside the house and met the arms of my uncle, i went inside the room and looked to my left where the storage room is, what do i find? Packs and packs of adult diapers that didn't even get to do their purpose.
Everytime i look at the materials I have to work on or formulate PR plans or write articles on it, i submit myself to breaking down. It was a vivid memory of one of the saddest nights of my life.
It always hurts to look back on a sad past to communicate relevance in the present but that's what being a  self-proclaimed writer has to live and deal with.

test blog

testing blogger droid

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back to blogger

i abandoned blogger for a while and switched to wordpress. now im back and hopefully be more active in putting my thoughts out here for everyone to see. plus, its a plug in on my new phone...