How well do you know your friends?

It's a question that's been floating around my head since that faithful Sunday a couple of months ago as i sat in a black velvet couch with a couple of friends. We all wondered, How are we friends? It baffled me that all the info we're gettin at that moment carries some shock value to it. Even more alarming was, it went on and on and on.

But my question is, how well do my friends know me?

Either i'm naturally complicated or im asking for too much to have my friends realize that for years and years, my pet peeve is the last minute cancellations. Circumstances aside, it just is my pet peeve and it cannot be altered. It's also the reason why i make surprise appearances at events i didn't officially confirm to be at. I don't wanna be what i dread. Failed as i may be at times, but i try to walk my talk.

Being the youngest of 5, I have several sets of mouths barking at me all the time,add 2 grannies and a nosy aunt, i was always subjected to be asked questions, squeezing stories et al. What they don't get is that sometimes, there is no story. Maybe that's why i turned to a life of silence, confined to history books, essay writing and loud music. It's my way to get away from the intrusive nature of people around me.

It's no wonder i immediately embraced livin' on my own as soon as the road to liberty cleared. Now i wonder if i ever really snuck out of it. I still find myself in the middle of intrusion. I may smile and laugh it off, but really, i'm pissed. I'm resistant in the face of intrusion, the more im pushed, the more i resist even when there's nothing to resist,it's like second nature to me. I can't explain why, i don't know how to. Just thought...leave it as it is and fuck off.

I'm always guarded with what i say, at least when it's about me or my shenanigans or when i'm advised not to. Home is a training ground, again, im the baby of the family and i get to be under everyone's radar. I can't slip out stuff that will wreak havoc into my personal and private space. I volunteer info when i feel like it and when i'm not being grilled and interrogated,otherwise, i'll get in my zone, not to be bothered.

Sure, there are far more things i share with friends than with family. I choose to share particular info, activities with different groups of friends. It's like throwing pieces of a puzzle around. It may seem like a bad thing for some, but i'm privy that way. And it should not in any way be taken as if i'm withholding my life. Diabolical or hypocritical as it may be to some, withholding is a a lifeline. I just hope the goings around won't push me back into my shell.

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